Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Currently Un-Eventful

There are some times in life when you just need to look around. There are some times when, stuck in the world around out, you just need to take a break and appreciate the smaller things in life. In light of everything going on in the world around us right now, I decided it was a good idea to step away from it all and let all the other news sources report on the real news, and focus in on something a little less eventful.

Lately, the deaths of famous people like Elizabeth Taylor, Osama Bin Laden, and Kate Middleton's virginity have been all over the news. Well actually, Elizabeth Taylor was like a month ago... And Kate Middleton probably wasn't a virgin (that whore). So Osama Bin Laden was really the only relevant one to that comment, but that's not important. Today, I'd like to honor someone who has recently left us, that many (all) of you probably (definitely) didn't know.

Doreen E. Bacon of Pierre, South Dakota passed away this Friday, April 29th at the ripe young age of 85. She died of old age; but her spirit will live on inside of us for eternity. She was never married, and had no living relatives, but she was known for her love of cats. Every time she walked (limped/stumbled) by, people would always say "There goes Doreen... She smells like cat piss." Every Sunday, she used to stand in front of her house and tie string to her cats paws; to make it look like they were dancing.

 R.I.P Doreen, you will be missed by all.

Despite her last name, she was a devoted follower of the Jewish faith. She always took solace in knowing that the Jew god was looking after her, and that her people killed Jesus. Despite her age and horrible odor of cat piss, she was a regular to help out at her church (synagogue), helping to organize the monthly bake sales (oh... too soon).

You will surely be missed, Doreen. You were an inspiration to everyone who knew you, and it sucks that you're a corpse and all.
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In other news, after a night of raucous lovemaking, Kate Middleton (that dirty sex kitten) is now pregnant with octuplets. Her and Prince William will star in a reality show: William and Kate, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Plus 8. The show is set to air soon after the birth.

Exclusive TMZ pictures of Kate Middleton, pregnant with her child (times 8).