Currently Un-Eventful

There are some times in life when you just need to look around. There are some times when, stuck in the world around out, you just need to take a break and appreciate the smaller things in life. In light of everything going on in the world around us right now, I decided it was a good idea to step away from it all and let all the other news sources report on the real news, and focus in on something a little less eventful.

Lately, the deaths of famous people like Elizabeth Taylor, Osama Bin Laden, and Kate Middleton's virginity have been all over the news. Well actually, Elizabeth Taylor was like a month ago... And Kate Middleton probably wasn't a virgin (that whore). So Osama Bin Laden was really the only relevant one to that comment, but that's not important. Today, I'd like to honor someone who has recently left us, that many (all) of you probably (definitely) didn't know.

Doreen E. Bacon of Pierre, South Dakota passed away this Friday, April 29th at the ripe young age of 85. She died of old age; but her spirit will live on inside of us for eternity. She was never married, and had no living relatives, but she was known for her love of cats. Every time she walked (limped/stumbled) by, people would always say "There goes Doreen... She smells like cat piss." Every Sunday, she used to stand in front of her house and tie string to her cats paws; to make it look like they were dancing.

 R.I.P Doreen, you will be missed by all.

Despite her last name, she was a devoted follower of the Jewish faith. She always took solace in knowing that the Jew god was looking after her, and that her people killed Jesus. Despite her age and horrible odor of cat piss, she was a regular to help out at her church (synagogue), helping to organize the monthly bake sales (oh... too soon).

You will surely be missed, Doreen. You were an inspiration to everyone who knew you, and it sucks that you're a corpse and all.

.       .     .

 

In other news, after a night of raucous lovemaking, Kate Middleton (that dirty sex kitten) is now pregnant with octuplets. Her and Prince William will star in a reality show: William and Kate, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Plus 8. The show is set to air soon after the birth.

Exclusive TMZ pictures of Kate Middleton, pregnant with her child (times 8).

The World's Nastiest Habit in the World's Most Boring Sport

The newest threat to our kids since violent video games and rap music is here: Chewing tobacco in baseball games. That's right, Senator Dick Durbin from Illinois and Senator Frank Lautenberg from New Jersey have filed a bill to outlaw the use of tobacco products in major league baseball games.


This rule has already been in place for decades in minor league games, but let's be honest, who really watches minor league games (yay for mediocrity!)? Details on the bill were introduced recently and include banning the use of smokeless tobacco from the field, dugout, and locker room. However, the bill does not mention anything about spitting it on the umpire's shoe.


The senators believe that more and more kids are starting to use smokeless tobacco products, an increase of 36% since 2003, because they see their idols on the baseball field chewing tobacco. Experts trace the usage back to T-ball games and believe the same kids that chew tobacco because they see it on the baseball field are the same ones who show violent tendencies because of video games, and get shot nine times because 50 Cent did (remember when he was popular? I think I was 11...). It is reported that these kids are also "serial likers" on Facebook, constantly "liking" things that, well frankly, all of us do.


Nathan Ura likes Breathing, Eating, And Drinking Liquids To Stay Alive on ♥.

 Also a concern for the senators, the fact that players may be sneaking illegal steroids into their chewing tobacco. Authorities were tipped of as to this when the noticed players gaining 20 pounds of muscle mass in one inning. Many current and former baseball players are for this bill, including Pete Rose, who despite supporting the bill, has placed significant bets against it passing.

Many believe that this bill will bring positive change to the game because people in the stands, who are already bored off their asses watching the game, don't really want to see players spitting poo-colored liquids every ten seconds.

 

One of the players that will be effected by this bill is this guy,

who looks like he's having a gay ol' time.

In other sports news, multiple sports teams played multiple different times of sports in multiple different games today, all of which had a winner and a loser. In most games, the losers were the fans who paid top dollar to sit in the back of the stands, next to some fat guy drinking Bud Light, yelling at the team because he's a better coach than the person being paid millions of dollars to coach is.

Is the human race in "Jeopardy!"?

Over the past three days, contestants on the trivia show Jeopardy! have been playing against an IBM super computer who, like most things "super", can interpret complex questions and answer them within seconds. The computer has been worked on for four years by over twenty researchers, all of whom I assume have never had a girlfriend.

The computer, named Watson (after Emma Watson, who played Hermione in the Harry Potter movies), won out over Jeopardy's two top contestants, Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter. Watson, despite being a computer, still has more personality than the two human contestants. Jennings and Rutter, even though they have both won millions of dollars on Jeopardy!, both still live in their mothers' basement.

 Today's game, the second game of the three day event, ended with Watson having a combined total of $77,147, over triple what Jennings ($24,000) and Rutter ($21,600) had. After the impressive win by the super computer, many people were left speculating how could this technology be used for regular people? IBM is confident that the computer could be used to answer questions for physicians and lawyers. However, they do mention that Watson can only answer questions when asked by an old Italian man in a suit. To counteract this problem, IBM is currently working on creating an Alex Trebek robot to accompany Watson.

With the furthering of computer technology that was used to create Watson, what could be in the future for us? Would it really be possible to create a computer that could live as a human? If so, how would that computer assimilate into human culture? Would we be able to tell who was really a computer? Would the computers go to the same schools as us, or ride in the front of the bus with us, or use our water fountains?

To answer these questions, we turn to the most intelligent source we have, Watson. He thinks for a second, then replies "What is Toronto???????" with 13% certainty.

After the end of day three, Apple announced that they have also been working on a super computer able to answer questions faster, more competently, and in a more trendy fashion than Watson. The computer, dubbed iWatson, will compete against IBM's Watson next week, in a battle to the death. While iWatson is capable of completing the same tasks as Watson is, Apple CEO, Steve Jobs, says that iWatson will feature a full touch screen, 50% thinner design, and front facing camera for video chats during game shows.

With the competition between the IBM and Apple super computers, people are left to wonder, who will be the supreme computer overlord of the once free world? Both companies are known for their innovation in the computer technology field, with Apple most notable for their iPod music player and Mac computers, and IBM most notable for those big black square computers used by public school systems everywhere.

Jeopardy! contestants with Apple's iWatson, now on Verizon Wireless.

Welcome!

So I decided to make a blog about things that are happening currently in the world (and beyond!). And also to fuse the 3 things I love the most:

1. Myself
2. People loving me as much as I love myself (which is a lot)
3. Current events

I will try to update this daily events that happen around the world (and beyond!), so that everyone that isn't blessed with a knowledge of the world as expansive as mine can see know what is going on in the world.

Like all of my work, this is dedicated to the lllllaaaaaaddddddiiiiieeeeesssssss.

Needless to say, Kristin VanCott is all for the idea.